Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
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I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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