I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
