I must be too annoying 4 u.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
