So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
