I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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