considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
A bitchslap is in order.
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