bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Randomize
