i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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