I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Drake has all the answers
I believe in your delicious
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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