She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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