Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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