How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
