life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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