I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
