You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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