I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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