You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
