new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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