That's intense
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
