I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
