i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
