youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
