Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
