I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
