The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
