everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
