If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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