Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
