Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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