apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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