would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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