Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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