Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
