also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize