By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
