i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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