I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
