I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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