It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You ruined the universe
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
