is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
