and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
