So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
