did you get engaged???
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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