The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
