Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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