you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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