WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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