I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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