Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
