i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
