Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
