So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
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She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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