You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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