Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
