Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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