If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
