WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
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I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
How external is "for external use only"?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
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I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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