just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
