he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
