We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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