Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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