I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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