Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
