this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
