You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
