I didn't shave. On purpose
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
the liver wants what the liver wants
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
