I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
