we're chasing vodka with high fives
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
