Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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