I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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